From the Forest
by Kira of Tirmal
Summary: Rose's tale of what happened to her in the seasons immediately following her death, and why Martin didn't die after fighting Tsarmina. M/R. No flames please, but constructive criticism welcome.
1. Jade

_A/N: Obviously I don't own anything. Well, OK, I made up Jade's name and the details of her personality, although we all know that Felldoh's mother had died sometime before the novel began. I certainly don't own any of the really important things in this story. :)_

* * *

><p>Nobeast was there to meet me when I arrived at the Dark Forest Gates. I don't have any family who died before me—or rather, none that I know. Noonvale was lucky during the entire time I was growing up: there were no major sicknesses and no fatal accidents, and all my relatives were either still alive or had died before I was born. All my friends in the Forest had come from the Battle of Marshank, and I assumed that they had dispersed to reunite with their own families.<p>

So I wandered alone for a few days along the gloomy paths that wound through the mist. The nights were cold and dark and the days were foggy and dim. I wasn't hungry or thirsty, but I would have welcomed food or drink for comfort. I didn't encounter anybeast, except for strangers. They would either avoid my eyes and hurry on their way, or straighten up with eyes bright and welcoming at the sound of my footpaws, then slump back and turn away when they did not recognize my face. I cried myself to sleep most nights, curled up in small misty hollows with nothing for a blanket but the old torn and blood-stained cloak Martin had given me before the battle.

After a few days I ran into Felldoh. At first he was just another one of the strangers in the gloom. When _he_ caught sight of my face, however, his smile grew wider and he hurried forward to clasp my paws in welcome. The sight and embrace of a friend was like the warmth of a fire on a cold winter night, and even though I don't often cry in front of others if I can help it, I confess that I had to blink back a few tears.

Maybe he noticed, because he immediately offered to introduce me to his mother, Jade. She had, Felldoh explained, been encouraging him to bring home any friends who found their way to the Forest from the battle—"because she said so many of those poor young slaves might not know anybeast in their own families. Well, you weren't a poor young slave, but if you're alone here—" He grinned at me again.

Jade resided (sometimes it's hard to remember that I can't use the word "lived" anymore) in a hut that somehow managed to be well-lit by something that resembled daylight. She was a frizzy-furred, blue-eyed squirrelwife with a radiant smile. Her clothes and paws were stained with a variety of paints and dyes, and her small hut was a riot of color from the paintings hung on every wall. The first thing she did was to give me another friendly embrace. That almost made me cry again: the smell of the paints that covered her and her canvases made me think of my grandfather, who lived next door to us in Noonvale and painted nearly as much as Jade seemed to. Then she sat me down to show me how to take a piece of mist and use the ghost's magic I hadn't even known I possessed to conjure myself a cup of tea and a good meal. She let me ply her with questions about my new home as I ate and she mixed paints.

"Well, Rose, m'dear, I believe you'll find that it's no easy matter to leave the Forest to look after your Martin just yet. Your spirit didn't expect to leave life just when it did, so to be outside the Gates without a body may be painful just yet. I recommend you rest up before you try and be his guardian."

"Painful?"

"Nausea, dizziness, weakness. Like the flu. Like I said, it'll pass. Give it a few seasons. One or two for some, longer for the ones who especially loved life—four or five."

"What about that magic you just showed me? Couldn't I use that to help?"

"That? No, I'm afraid it won't help. It's just a trifle, really. Some're better than others at it, but we can all do it. You can fly, too, and be in different places at once, and see the future. You'll learn." She grinned.

Felldoh popped his head in. "Rose? I think I've found you someplace to stay near here. If you'll follow me, I _think_ I can find it again."

Jade chuckled. "Aye, that's the other thing. Your sense of direction may be off for a while in all this gloom." She waved a paw in cheery farewell as I got to my footpaws. "You drop by anytime you want to, missie, d'ya hear me?"


	2. Homesick

On my tenth night in the Forest I dreamed that my parents threw another feast, this time celebrating the army's safe return with Brome and me. Many of our friends who lived along the broadstream joined us as well, and the music and dancing went on far into the night. I sat with Martin, Brome, Grumm, and Pallum, our conversation ranging far and our laughter frequent. Martin was nearly finished with his fourth goblet of wine when, out of the blue, he turned and started snogging me in full view of the entire table. I wasn't anywhere near that drunk, but if the handsome mouse Warrior I'd quite-a-bit-more-than-fancied for weeks was in the mood to be forward, I certainly wasn't going to complain. When we surfaced, Pallum and Grumm were chortling into their napkins and my traitor of a brother had announced the occasion to everybeast within earshot. What else was there to do? I grinned at the amused onlookers and then pulled Martin to me again, amid peals of laughter from our companions.

I could not bring myself to get up until mid-afternoon, or what passes for it in this gloomy mist, the next day. As I scrubbed my tear-sodden pillowcase in the small, sluggish stream outside my door, I tried to pull myself together. I do not regret dying for Martin, Grumm, and Pallum. No, I am proud of the fact that if my death was necessary at such a young age, I sacrificed it to save the lives of my best friends, including the mouse I love.

But I do wish that I could have drifted off to sleep in his arms some crisp autumn morning in Noonvale seasons and seasons from now, our children and grandchildren surrounding us, and then woken up to find myself here, at peace.


	3. Sayna

Just as Jade predicted, it took a while for me to become strong enough to even watch the world of the living through the Gates. The summer of my death passed into autumn, and I was still unable to stay at the Gates for long enough to pick up on anything more important than the change of season. Unfortunately, I had been discovering this the hard way the evening that Martin's mother Sayna dropped by to meet me. I had spent the day at the Gates trying to build up my strength, dizzy and retching after the first five minutes, clinging to their rough wooden framework to stay upright. When she found me I was struggling to crawl to my cot in the corner of the little hut Felldoh had shown me. Without further ado she scooped me up in her work-toughened paws and deposited me on my cot, apologizing for not coming to see me sooner.

"Martin was in such danger of joining us after he fought Badrang," she explained, straightening my blanket around me. "I just didn't feel right leaving him alone." Her smile was warm, and her voice was so much like my mother's that it made a lump rise to my throat yet again. "But I did _so_ wanted to meet my son's…" She paused, furrowing her brow, and conjured me a cup of water.

I sipped it, feeling strength return with every mouthful, and considered her predicament. What _was _I to him? Sweetheart? No. How could I be his sweetheart if he'd never done more with his feelings than gape at me when he thought I wasn't looking? Lover? Absolutely not. Intended bride? It was probably true, but just thinking about it made me want to cover my head with the pillow and not emerge for fifty seasons. But what about…

"His lady love," I said.

Sayna beamed.


	4. That Cat

I finally managed a few steps out of the Forest without wanting to curl up and whimper for a few hours at the end of my first spring there. It was still too difficult for me to go far, or stay a long time, but at least I could stand at the Gates and look out consistently. I could even enjoy the warmer weather and all the flowers a little, which was wonderful. The Forest isn't the most cheerful place to be, which upon reflection I think is part of why so many creatures choose to be reborn so soon, unless they can throw themselves into guardianship work.

Sayna soon introduced me to her husband Luke and her mother Windred, and the three of them were happy to have me join them as one of Martin's guardians. Since I still couldn't go far, I mostly had the job of lookout. I would stand at the Gates and use the magic Windred taught me to look into the future or faraway places, then communicate that information to one of the other three, who were on the ground helping Martin as best they could.

None of us needed to do much because he's strong-willed, intelligent, brave, and highly competent in his own right, not to mention accompanied by good friends. But every now and then we were able to help a bit: deflecting a spear throw, nudging tiredness into the limbs of the Kotir guard pursuers, or even (Sayna and Luke forbade me from doing this part) sending Martin and his companions a calm, comforting, quiet dream so that they would wake refreshed and ready for the next day's challenges. Sometimes it grated at me that I couldn't be out there helping them, but then I would spend five minutes outside of the Forest and nearly collapse.

Of course, they needed all paws on deck when he faced _that cat._ That's all I can bring myself to call her—that horrible, mangy-furred, snaggle-clawed…oooh, _that cat_ who hurt and killed so many, who laid waste to so much, who…who…

I don't want to talk about her anymore. I still don't entirely approve of fighting, but words cannot describe how proud I am of Martin for standing up to her. Maybe now that Mossflower country is free from fear, they can turn their energies to building and to peace.


	5. Of First Kisses and Farewells

_A/N: This chapter is the most T-rated one. Just so you know._

_Further A/N: Revisions posted. Thanks to Lady Storm for her helpful comments!_

* * *

><p>It was Felldoh who told him that I wanted to see him. Later, the squirrel told me that he honestly didn't know that "there had been anything between" Martin and me, or else he wouldn't have said anything. Apparently, Felldoh had come to sit with Martin as he was lying injured at the gates of the Forest after his battle to free Mossflower. During a break in Martin's sword sparring sessions with Boar the Fighter, the three of them had been chatting about old times and comparing the war with Badrang the previous summer to the one with <em>that cat.<em> Martin had made some comment about fewer sacrifices in the most recent struggle, which made Felldoh chime in with, "Oh, that reminds me! Guess who's been talking about you almost non-stop the whole time you've been here!" At that, it seems, Martin sprang to his footpaws and would have bounded right through the Gates if Boar hadn't managed to restrain him in time.

All I can say to that is, _can't that squirrel put two and two together?_

Fortunately, Felldoh managed to find me quickly. I had asked Jade to keep me distracted on the other side of the Forest by teaching me how to fly, and when the squirrel showed up waving his paws in panic in the direction of the Gates we both immediately stopped what we were doing. Jade hurried to his side as he sank to his knees, panting. After a few moments the squirrel managed to speak.

"Martin-trying-to get in-"

"WHAT?" I won't trouble to deny the sudden flare of joy that shot through me.

"Wants to-see-you-but you said Windred's visions-said-"

That was true. Windred was the best of the four of us at prophecy, and she had warned us all just after Martin's battle that we were to do what we could to prevent him coming through the Gates unless the healers in Mossflower weren't as talented as she thought they were and he was genuinely succumbing to his wounds. She had foreseen that his role in bringing lasting peace to Mossflower included more than winning the battle. Windred's prophecies were almost always correct and she didn't mind them being generally known, so I had told several of our friends when they speculated about Martin's chances of recovery after fighting a large and ferocious wildcat.

A thrill of terror chased away my joy, and I half-ran, half-flew all the way to the Gates in five minutes flat. When I finally arrived, panting and clutching a stitch in my side, Martin was just outside them, struggling and fighting, trying to run forward. Boar's strength almost did not matter: Martin's smaller paws slipped again and again through the badger's huge ones, the mouse Warrior managing to make his steady way closer to his doom.

I fumbled with the lock, still trying to catch my breath, still fighting the old nausea. As Martin's eyes lifted from the ground and found mine, I found that I had to grip the Gates from dizziness and weakness for the first time in quite awhile. Damn. I had always been proud of how I could keep my mind from shutting down in the face of his handsomeness, but this time, perhaps because I hadn't seen him except at a distance since the previous summer, he was definitely affecting me. It was too late to turn back now, though—I saw wild hope flare in those beautiful gray depths, and his struggling last I managed to rip open the lock, and the Gates creaked open inward. I squeezed through them, stumbled a few steps, and grabbed his shoulders.

"Martin, Martin, no. I don't want this. I don't want—" I stopped, the words catching in my throat. I couldn't lie to him. Letting him run inside the Gates and join me forever was _all _I wanted in the universe, but it wasn't time yet. That much was clear. "No. Please. Stop fighting. Listen to me."

His squirming stopped. Out of the corner of my eye I saw the Badger Lord release him and retreat back through the Gates, and all of a sudden Martin was pulling me close, drenching my shoulder with his tears. "Rose, don't stop me, this is all for you—for us—let me come with you! I-I-I—" He gulped, trying to swallow hiccups. "I love you."

His words sent a river of fire down to the pit of my stomach. _Great Seasons, I've wanted so much to hear you say that for so long, and now that you have I can't do a thing about it._

I swayed and gasped, my paws digging into his back, as my head spun and the gloom over his shoulder swam with little golden specks. Martin clutched me in response and lowered us gently to the ground, making little noises of concern. I sat beside him for a moment, resting my head on the soft fur at the curve of his neck and breathing in his scent, and then pulled away from him a little and looked into his eyes. "I love you too, Martin. That's why I have to do this. Because your life and happiness means more to me than anything."

I kissed him then. I don't know what impulse struck me. But as I shut my eyes, as our noses bumped, as our whiskers tangled, as I felt his chapped lips meet mine, all my embarrassment and uncertainty melted away into the warmth of his paws around me.

Martin broke away first. He wasn't crying anymore. I saw a bright crimson blush rise to his cheeks, and he was smiling. That made my heart beat even faster, and I noticed that I was grinning just as widely. He reached up to disentangle our whiskers, whispering as he did so, "That was my first kiss."

"Mine too." Blood and heat rose to my face, too, and I made a cross-eyed face at him to try to hide my embarrassment.

The Warrior laughed softly as our whiskers came apart and he smiled at me, but soon his eyes grew concerned. "Are you all right? You looked ill."

I smiled even more widely at that. "Yes. Just not used to being outside of the Forest anymore." I fought the impulse to laugh for a few more seconds, and then gave in to it.

"Martin, you're—hahahaha— you're cl-clinging—hehehehe—clinging to life by your pawtips, and you—hahahaha—you want to know if _I'm_ all right?"

Martin's face was blank for a moment, and then the crimson flooding it became even more pronounced. His grin reappeared and widened. Soon we were both laughing, leaning on each other's shoulders for support.

After a moment Martin grew serious again. "There, then. You see what we could have if we were together. We could be happy! I—" He cut off, frowning, and stared at the dim ground between us.

I waited, watching his whiskers twitch and his pawtips tap against one another as the seconds lengthened.

"Rose, I don't want to live without you anymore." The words came tumbling out in a rush. I felt him curl the tip of his tail around the back of my ankle and drew in my breath. My mother had always told me that if any malebeast ever dared to touch me like that I was to slap him across the face, but now that it had happened it only made me want to kiss him again.

I compromised and did neither. Instead, I said, "You fooled me. You seemed happy enough in Mossflower."

"I am—was—but now that I'm here with you I'm beginning to think that I would really be happier if we could stay here together."

"Oh."

There was silence for a moment. Then I spoke again. "Who says you're living without me at all?"

He snorted. "What do you mean? I haven't seen you since Marshank four and a half seasons ago! Haven't heard you sing, haven't stayed up all night talking to you, haven't found that I've been staring at you for five minutes without realizing it because you're even more beautiful than usual in the moonlight, haven't—I don't know—argued with you about something ridiculous even though I know you're right—" His voice had risen in volume, and he finally met my eyes. His gaze was full of confusion, desire, and pain, and it was hard not to flinch away. "_That's_ what I want back—the little details of our life together, knowing that we'll always be there for each other!"

Silence rang again, except, I imagined, for the sound of the thousand tiny needles burying themselves in my heart. Any occasion that made _my _Martin actually _talk_ about his emotions was not one to be taken lightly.

My voice cracked as I spoke. "Well, I suppose that couldcount as a ridiculous argument, if you'd like."

"Tuh." He turned his face away from me.

Fair enough. I tried again, caressing the back of his paw. "And that's just what I mean, too," I whispered, this time not bothering to try to hide the tremble in my voice. "We will always be there for each other. I will always be here waiting for you, but more importantly, I will always be _here._" I placed my other paw over his heart. It was beating very hard. Why did the signs of life always have to be so potent this close to the land of the dead?

This time he looked at me, frowning a little. "I don't understand."

"You have your happiness in Mossflower. You have your friends, you have your freedom, you have your sword, you have a home now. And since we have loved so deeply, we can't be separated. Nobeast and nothing can take that away from us."

Martin raised a paw to my face and touched it. "But that's not what I want. I want to have a normal life with you. Or a normal afterlife."

I couldn't stop my eyelids from fluttering closed at his touch, but I yanked them open and forced my voice to be steady. "I know you do. I want that too—more than I can tell you! But we can't. You need to finish living your life. You need to _enjoy _it! All your friends in Mossflower are counting on you now, and you have so much joy ahead of you, I promise! Just…know that I will always be there with you in spirit, even if we cannot be together for now."

More silence. Martin averted his gaze again as his paw dropped from my cheek. I shut my eyes and sighed. _Warriors! Always so stubborn!_ Another wave of dizziness washed over me, and I swayed a little. When I opened my eyes Martin was looking at me again, this time with alarm.

"Are you sure you're all right?"

"Yes, yes, I'm fine. I told you, I'm not used to being outside of the Forest without my body yet." I managed a smile again. "Stop worrying about me. Focus on healing yourself. I'll be fine. It just takes time."

"I'll be fine, too. I'm worried about _you._"

Silence.

"Martin, does that mean you've decided to go back?"

More silence.

"I—I—yes, I suppose I have. I suppose I have to. For Mossflower." He smiled, but not with his eyes, and his voice sank to a whisper. "But for myself—"

I squeezed his paw, and I'm sure my smile didn't reach my eyes, either. "I think you made the right choice. For now you'll be happier there." I rose to my knees, and then hoisted myself to a standing position. "That's it, then. Once you've decided that, you can't stay here."

Martin stood as well, placing a steadying paw around my waist. He moved from footpaw to footpaw, testing his strength.

"I am feeling better. You're right. But I want to be with you, too."

"I know. I feel the same way. I'll be here when you get back."

"When?"

"Someday. A long time from now. I'm not sure exactly when, but this is the worst danger and it's over now. Enjoy it; I don't think our next life will be anytime soon, not if you feel the same way I do about it."

Martin smiled, but stopped quickly. He kissed my paw, half-turned away, then turned back and kissed the other paw. "I love you, Rose."

"I love you, too, Martin." I stepped back toward the Gates as he let go of my paws and started back the way he'd come.

No, he wasn't getting away that easily.

"Martin! Wait!" I called out as he began moving away down the winding path.

The Warrior turned. I saw puzzlement in his eyes for just a moment before my vision blurred with tears. Stifling a cry, I ran the short distance toward him. I did not worry about my shortness of breath; could not see the fuzzy spots that crowded the edge of my teary vision.

He caught me stiffly, surprise radiating from him. I wound my paws around his neck and kissed him again, feeling the love I knew I would not be able to express again for countless more seasons pound through my heart. Martin pulled away for just an instant, and then drew me close and returned the kiss, fierce, strong, passionate, with no hint of the tentative and slightly embarrassed mouse who had been kissing me earlier. I leaned into it, and felt the heat rising in the pit of my stomach to match. I'm usually not one for swooning, but I was too far from the Forest, and when I felt the tip of his tongue brushing my lips, I swayed on the spot and broke the kiss in the process.

My tears were falling fast by then, and I could see even less than before. I couldn't manage to speak in more than a whisper. "Never, ever doubt how much I love you, Martin of Mossflower."

I felt his paws shaking around me and realized then that he was crying, too. "I will never doubt it if you promise to always remember how much I love you, too, Laterose of Noonvale."

"I promise." I kissed him once more, tender and gentle this time, and then stepped away. Almost at once my head started to clear. I backed up until my shoulders found the rough wood of the Gates, and raised a paw in farewell. Martin returned the gesture and then headed back down the path towards the dancing festival lights on the unseen shore of Kotir lake.


End file.
